


Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha

by Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Blood Gulch Chronicles, Cappy being a weird dude., Comedy, Gen, Seriously. He's a very bizarre man.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13014030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath/pseuds/Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath
Summary: Just a collection of stories about the Blue Team and their time with Cappy.





	Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to do something a little more lighthearted for this fic since the last three have been getting pretty serious. So I decided to focus on how the Blue Team got along with their original captain. (I mean, he's certainly an odd person.)

Agent Florida came back up to Blue Base after speaking with Vic about the possible replacements. _Ah, what a delightful assistant. Although he seems to be having some issues with the programming. Oh, I'm sure it's nothing._

He returned to the base to find Church and Tucker arguing about something. _Oh, boy. This looks like it requires my assistance._ Florida ran over to both of them. "Boys, what seems to be the problem here?"

"This guy," Church starts, shouting as usual, "keep pestering me about getting his own suit and asking for mine!"

"Because this one fuckin' sucks, dude!" Tucker replied. "You know it does and I know you wouldn't be caught dead in this stupid thing!"

_Oh, how delightful. This is going better than I could've ever imagined._

"You know what," Church yelled, "if you hate it so much, why don't you just take it off for when we go into battle?"

"Okay, now that's just stupid. Why would I go into battle without a suit? Wouldn't I die if that happens?"

" **That's the fucking point dipshit!** Hopefully, you can get ripped to shreds and put me out of my misery."

"Out of **your** misery? Wouldn't that mean **you** die?"

"No. You are the source of my misery. So I'd be happy if you would die and put me out of it."

"Boys, boys," Florida interrupted. "There's no need for the arguments. And Private Tucker, you know that all privates must be in regulation blue until such a time that they are promoted. I know my privates are clad in regulation blue."

"But Church is a private! How come he gets a cool color?! This is bullsh*t!"

"Tucker," he said in his ever pleasant tone, "Private Church has been around longer than you have, so he is allowed to have his own color."

"Ha!" Church shouts. "Suck it, Tucker! Captain Flowers says I get my own, so shut up about it."

"Come on, Captain Flowers," Tucker whined. "Can't you put in a request for one? How the h**l am I supposed to pick up chicks in a stupid suit like this?"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT?!" Church replied with complete bewilderment.

"Well," Florida started, "I doubt that'll be a problem with your striking features. Who could resist?"

"Well, you've got a point," Tucker replied. "Any lovely ladies would be lucky to hook up with this godlike pillar of manliness."

"I highly doubt that," Church said under his breath.

"Well, boys," Florida continued, "I do think that you people are just a delight to be with. If you have any more problems, you let me know."

"Sure thing, Captain Flowers."

"Oh, and don't feel the need to be so formal. Just call me 'Captian' or 'Cappy.' No need to let things like rank interfere with team dynamics."

"Uh..." Church said, "You got it... Cappy."

Florida joyfully chuckles. "Now that's the spirit! Now, I'm going to do a little bit of reconnaissance on Red Team. Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone. Okay?"

"Can do, Cappy," Tucker said.

"Marvelous. Just marvelous." As Florida walked away, he thought, _This is going to be a great success._

Tucker then turned to Chruch and said, "So... you gonna give me your armor?"

" **ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!** "

* * *

 Florida went up to a nearby cliff to scope out the Red Base. _Time to see what those Reds are up to._ He looked through the scope of his sniper rifle and saw Sarge walking out and talking to his privates.

Sarge called the meeting to discuss a very important topic: defeating the damned dirty Blues. Florida listened in on his radio.

"Gentlemen," he began. "I've called you here to discuss our potential battle strategy against those diabolical Blues."

"This oughta be good," Grif snarked.

"Now, I've made a request to command to get some robotic bulls to lead the first assault." Florida remembered that request. _Oh, how ambitious of him. I admire that._

"Excellent strategy, sir," Simmons replied.

"Really, dude?" Grif said. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I'm pretty sure that those bulls aren't even regulation equipment."

"How the fuck would you know? You never pay attention to protocols and standard equipment sheets."

"And are the bulls on there?"

"..."

"I rest my case."

"Private Grif!" Sarge yelled. "This is important to our victory! I will not have you undermining my day of glory."

"I'll always support you, sir," Simmons replied.

"Such a kiss-ass," Grif muttered.

"Now, with the bulls leading the assault," Sarge continued, "we will also have a main plasma canon following up."

"Wouldn't the bulls be in the way?"

"Don't listen to him, sir," Simmons said. "You're an excellent strategist."

"Thank you, Simmons," Sarge replied.

Florida lowered the scope and chuckled to himself. "This is working out even better than I ever could have imagined. The Director will be pleased about this."

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an ongoing series of adventures with the gang. For the most part, It'll focus on the Blue Team, but I'll try to get some more of the Red Team in there as I go. This will try to fit into canon as best as I can.


End file.
